Jesus Use Me, I'm Yours

In a recent meeting, I was asked to find a song that really spoke to where I am right now, considering all aspects of my life. The idea is that I am to really analyze the lyrics and once this "phase" of life is complete, every time I hear that song, I will be reminded of where I was and what God did in my life then. Naturally, I went to the cool-mama, hipster-34-year-old-Camry-driving section of iTunes looking for inspiration and found none. Oh, there's a section, but it has no good songs for me in it. I mean, "Islands in the Stream" technically speaks to me, but not what I was looking for just then.

Where did I turn for help, you ask? Well...since you asked.

A quick scan of the contents of my iPod looks like the Centricity Music Gift Shop in that it's full of Downhere and Jason Gray. While Downhere tends to write the soundtrack for my life, I have noticed Jason Gray's ability to read my diary without my knowing and write songs that speak to me in deep, meaningful, and timely ways. In particular, his song, "Jesus Use Me, I'm Yours" has become an anthem (thank God digital songs don't scratch when played on repeat for hours at a time).

Listening to that song has reminded me that my deepest desire is to please God. However, there is a real fear of the unknown or, worse still, the fear of what I think I know. With fear comes guilt and doubt, for fear never travels alone, and I am stuck, semi-paralyzed and trembling in the proverbial corner of my mind, wondering if God says what He means and loves me like He says. Surely if God is God, then He must be very frustrated with my constant fumbling of the passes that He puts right in my hands (you're welcome for the blatent sports reference).

Yet, as God prepares me for an old walk down a new path, I am overwhelmed by His grace and compassion and tenderness with my fragile heart. He loves me gently, woos me even, into a place of peace and surrender using the hugs, prayers, and listening ears of friends I never knew I had. His patience and understanding are without compare and words fail me now to describe how my heart is, at present, swelling inside me at the knowledge that my Papa Daddy will never grow tired of helping me obey him. This becomes the point I realize that God's mercy isn't just for the forgiveness of sin, though it applies there, to be sure. God's mercy is also about compassion.

So, as I journey, may I consider these words of Paul to Timothy, "But I received mercy for this reason, that in me, as the foremost [sinner], Jesus Christ might display his perfect patience as an example to those who were to believe in him for eternal life." 1 Timothy 1:16.